This illustration by John Schmelzer appeared in the December 1986 issue of Ford Times.
And the winner for 2021 is Gerard Vail of Chicago
“Our old dog swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles today. Our vet said the x-rays spell trouble!”
The last time someone from Chicago won was Jim Jordan in 1935 (“Fibber McGee”). “Fibber’s” story related to cold weather.
“During an extra cold winter, he said, a rat took refuge in his home. He exercised all his wiles, but was unable to trap it. Finally, he hit upon an idea. “The cold chased you in here,” he wrote, “and the cold will catch you.” So he took one of those big thermometers and hung it in the kitchen with bottom about three feet from the floor. Under it he placed a chunk of cheese. In the morning, sure enough, he had Mr. Rat. The rat had gone for the cheese, and mercury in the thermometer fell so fast that it pinned the rat to the floor!”
Honorable Mention in no particular order go to . . .
Richard Schaaf of Devils Lake, North Dakota who also took first honors in 2012.
“My wife’s clothes were taking over our closet, so I told her that every time she adds a new piece of clothing she has to donate one to the Salvation Army. Today she donated my last shirt to the Salvation Army.”
Larry Ellis of Walworth, Wisconsin
“I love to play golf, unfortunately, I’m not very good. In fact, I’m so bad I had to have my ball retriever regripped.”
Tim Repka of Kenosha, Wisconsin
“I once won a hide-n-seek contest by sticking my feet in my mouth and swallowing myself. Still have yet to be found”
Congratulations to all our winners. If you would like to enter the contest for 2022, email your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org or address them to The Burlington Liars Club, P.O. Box 156, Burlington, WI 53105. Please include your contact information so we can notify you when you win. If you or someone you know would like to become an official card carrying member of the Burlington Liars’ Club, include $1 for each membership along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope.