This illustration by John Schmelzer appeared in the December 1986 issue of Ford Times.
Bragging rights go to Daryl Lockwood of Waupaca, the club’s second double winner. Daryl previously won in 2013. He got chuckles from the judges and won with this entry, “I went to the bank yesterday and asked the clerk to check my balance. She came out from behind the counter and pushed me over!”
Honorable Mention, in no particular order, go to . . .
Donna Ziebell of Niles, IL
“I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”
John Kiel of Salem, Wisconsin
“My bird dog Goofy never gives up. I lost Goofy on opening day when he picked up the scent of a pheasant at Wisconsin’s Richard Bong Hunting Grounds. Weeks later, during a hunting trip to Miller, South Dakota, I stumbled on Goofy, on point and holding his bird.”
Bill Apmann of Racine, Wisconsin
“I didn’t notice that my new television remote had a button labeled ‘mutate’ instead of ‘mute.’ When I pressed it for the first time, my television turned into a dishwasher!”
Jerry Steimle of Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin
“My neighbor Steve cut his grass so much this year that he had to rotate the tires on his lawn mower.”
“I bet on a dog in the sixth race that was so slow he won the seventh race.”
If you would like to enter the contest for 2020, email your entries to email@example.com or address them to The Burlington Liars Club, P.O. Box 156, Burlington, WI 53105. If you or someone you know would like to become an official card carrying member of the Burlington Liars’ Club, include $1 for each membership along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Please do not submit your entries via Facebook messenger as the club has no way to get in touch with you. Thank you.