This illustration by John Schmelzer appeared in the December 1986 issue of Ford Times.
The Year 2020 Again Has Us Bumfuzzled
Our winner accidentally sent us a submission and then denied writing it. The horse was out of the barn by the time we found out. The club officials had never heard the story before and it made us laugh. We need more of that these days.
Congratulations to Daryl Lockwood of Waupaca, the club’s first triple winner. Daryl previously won in 2013 and 2019. Daryl came up with what we believe was the first at-home Covid-19 test as he submitted this whopper in August.
“. . . Take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favorite whisky (gin or rum) into it; then see if you an smell it. If you can you are halfway there; then drink it and if you can taste it, it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus. I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today though, as I have developed a headache which may also be a symptom.”
Honorable Mention in no particular order,
Chuck Goldstein of Janesville, WI
“I’m always jealous of my brother-in-law in Michigan because he’s an hour ahead of us, he always knows the outcome of the Packer game before I do.”
Dave Hildebrand of Rice Lake, WI
“I’m so old that when I was born the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was just a trio.”
Gerard Vail of Chicago, IL
“Our little league team was so bad, the opposing coach would tell his players, “hit ‘em where they are.” ”
Shad Branen of Burlington, WI
“2020 has been a disappointing year in many ways. My entry to the Liars Club didn’t even win.”
It’s not too early to enter for next year, simply email your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org (please include contact information) or address them to The Burlington Liars Club, P.O. Box 156, Burlington, WI 53105.
If you or someone you know would like to become an official card carrying member of the Burlington Liars’ Club, include $1 for each membership along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope.